This is a repost from a few months ago. I’ve struggled this summer, between the move and other factors. I’ve completely fallen off the wagon, and needed this reminder. And, just an update, I am working to finish up my masters degree this semester…yay!
Several people have commented on what they perceive to be my weight loss goals, mostly well-meaning people commenting on my facebook page telling me not to focus on getting skinny. Their assessment is so far off base, so I am just going to pour my heart out here today. I’ve already shared that it’s more than the number on the scale. In fact, my goal is mostly a spiritual one. Getting into a healthy weight range has many tangible benefits, but my real goal is to prove myself faithful.
He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much. Luke 16:10
Over the years, I have acquired a nasty habit of not following through with things. I wanted to be a “professional” scrapbooker. I got pages published, served on many design teams, etc. Right in the thick of it, I lost my mojo and it’s been 2 years since I scrapbooked.
I wanted to get my masters degree, and we’re in debt nearly $20,000 because of that decision. I finished all my classes, and all I have left is the final quarter of the work on my thesis-like paper and my comprehensive exams. I’ve been at this point for 2 years now, and if I don’t finish by next year, my credits will “expire.”
I’ve always wanted to write a novel. Last summer, I did it. I wrote an entire, full-length novel. I worked on revisions for a few months, but there are still some things I need to tweak. I’ve been stuck at this point for the last 6 months. It’s hard to find quiet time to focus on such a tedious task, but that’s mostly just an excuse. The truth is that I lack follow through.
Depression has played a huge role in all these things, but regardless of that struggle, I have not proven myself faithful.
One Sunday in church, I was praying, and God called me out on this. I said I want to be used by Him, and I felt a gentle chastening… “You have not shown yourself faithful in the little things, therefore you also can’t be trusted with the bigger things.”
This was and is a devastating truth to face. I know, in my spirit, that the victory of reaching my goal weight is going to be, more than anything, a spiritual victory for me. It’s what God has called me to do to prove my faithfulness to Him.
“let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” (Hebrews 12:2).
The Christian life is referred to throughout scripture as a race that requires endurance. Losing a substantial amount of weight is symbolic of that. It requires discipline, dedication, and follow through, all qualities that are necessary for walking with Christ. God has really placed this on my spirit. My weight is a hindrance to me. My reliance on food is something that easily ensnares me. I have a need in my life, both physically and spiritually to lay that aside, and finish this race. I need to do this in order to be more useful to my Savior. Not because a “skinnier” person is more useful, but because a faithful person is.
How I long to say, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7)
(Please note that I am in NO WAY judging anyone for their weight or anything else! This is something that God has placed on my heart for my situation and nothing more.)
Now for the numbers:
Heaviest Weight: 201.8 (I am 5’6″, so this put me in the category of being medically OBESE)
Current Weight: 180.8
Next Milestone: 170
Final Goal: 135 (Healthy weight for my height is 115-145)
I had lost a total of 23 lbs, reaching a “low” of 178.8 or so. Over the past few months of completely backsliding, I have gained back 2 pounds (and a lot of belly inches…). Either way, I consider this a victory because I have been back to square one with HORRIBLE eating and virtually no exercise for nearly 3 months, so it could be much worse.