No Drama, Mama!


No Drama

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While at Teach Them Diligently, I had the honor of hearing Heidi St. John speak. And during her talk that goes along with her book The Busy Mom’s Guide to Daylight,” she made a statement that seared my soul. She spoke of busyness. And how busyness in and of itself is not a bad thing—we just need to be sure we’re busy doing the right kind of things—kingdom things. Nothing profound there, although we all need reminded of it sometimes.

Then she began to talk about time-wasters, mentioning facebook, like I knew she would. It seems to be a growing time waster for so many of us. But just when I was settling into that comfortable place, she took it one step further—facebook drama. Ouch.

I have to confess to engaging too often in online/facebook drama. And the truth is, nothing good comes from it. In fact it’s the opposite. Engaging in this drama drains my time, my energy, and my mood. I’m ashamed to admit it, but sometimes, I take out my frustration from online drama on my real life family! That’s not okay!

So what do we do about it? If I’m not the only one who’s guilty of this, and I suspect I’m not judging from the amount of drama I see online, how do we fix it?

I’ll start with the most obvious and practical. Ignore and Avoid.

Ignore. Did you know that it’s totally possible to just keep on scrolling without commenting on that provocative post?  Yeah, me neither. All too often, my fingers seem to have a mind of their own.  A great reminder I read a while back:  You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.  And in fact, you’ll be a happier, more peaceful person if you don’t.

Avoid. Did you know that you can “hide” people from your newsfeed on facebook, without unfriending them? You can. Simply hover in the right hand corner of the offending post until you see an arrow, select “hide status” and then you’ll be given an option to “change what updates you receive from Susie.” You can then choose to “unfollow,” or select one of the other options. You can also do this from an individual’s profile.

If there is a blog that you know is provocative in an attacking way, don’t visit it. If it’s a commenter on your own blog, don’t engage—your readers will respect you more for it. It’s my policy to say “Thank you for commenting.” No matter how badly I want to defend myself, I fight the urge, because I don’t want that drama and negativity on my blog.

But somehow I have allowed that negativity into my life, and that’s what I need to do something about. And while avoiding or ignoring can be useful sometimes, it doesn’t completely fix the problem. For starters, it would be impossible to completely avoid any situation which might invite argument (unless you’d like to live in a cave with no access to the outside world!). Secondly, the urge to participate in the drama is a heart issue, and should be addressed as such.

I hope you’ll come back over the coming weeks as I continue to share some of the things God has been showing me about this—some of the how’s and why’s of living a drama-free life.  I will be focusing a lot on the online brand of drama, but these principles apply to any kind of conflict and drama.  So much of it just isn’t necessary. And while sometimes conflict is good and necessary, we can blow it if we approach it in the wrong way.

 

In the meantime, what do you think? Have you noticed drama in your facebook newsfeed lately? How do you avoid getting sucked in to it?

 

 

Comments

  1. says

    I have been seeing many negative posts and it has been having an effect on moods I have almost felt down when off of Facebook lately it is funny this post touched so close to me. I have been actually contemplating deleting my Facebook but I have my groups I enjoy. So I am going to take advice and hide the feeds from people . Because I was fearful to delete them to cause more drama . Ugh. Ty very much for this great info.

    • Crystal says

      Exactly, Pam! I know there are a lot of situations where unfriending someone would only cause more drama.

  2. Regina Rudd Merrick says

    Oh, Crystal, you are so right! It seems that there are some people and groups that are just fishing for drama and argument. I learned about the "friend" settings a long time ago, and decided from day one that anytime I post, it will only be positive, funny, or non-political. And it has worked. The ONE TIME I posted something about not worrying and trusting God with politics, I was blasted! Boy, did I learn MY lesson! LOL

  3. says

    Crystal, I’m so glad you didn’t write, “change what updates you receive from Meghan.” :) I’ve noticed some drama, but I just keep on scrolling. There are too many good updates to quit Facebook, so I avoid the negativity. Great thoughts! Looking forward to more.

    • Crystal says

      lol…NO, definitely not! I tried to just pick a random name (I don’t have anyone named Susie on my friends list…lol). You are definitely one of the people who comes to mind, who doesn’t seem to partake in drama! I love that :)

  4. says

    I really like the hide feature of Facebook. I take other's opinions too seriously sometimes, and when people who are chronically negative, it is really nice to be able to ignore them all together. I really prefer positive posts and blogs, and try to keep them coming in to my facebook more than anything else.

    • Crystal says

      lol…yeah, some are even obvious enough for me to ignore ;) I tend to get sucked into the more subtle ones that start out innocently and then surprise you later! lol

  5. says

    Yes. I recently had to hide about half my ‘friends’ for this very reason. I even wrote about it on my blog! :)

  6. says

    So good, Crystal! I have found myself engaging in such drama on occasion, then wonder why I’m irritated (usually at my family) for the rest of the night! I have been using the “hide” feature more often now, too. ;) Thanks for sharing!

    • Cara Frens Stray says

      It is true, nothing good comes from it. Most of the time I can scroll past OK but sometimes I get sucked in and it sure takes the fun out of FB

  7. Rebecca Brandt says

    Drama – it's interesting when someone brings it up. Humanity is full of drama. I enjoy some conversations I have with my friends on fb. More than that, I love phone conversations and real life. I use facebook, I no longer allow it to use me. And Drama – pray for your friends when you see them in the midst or starting it and we have to hold ourselves accountable, as well.

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  9. says

    I too have had to hide a few certain people from my facebook feed, and I do a fair amount of scrolling as well. Sometimes I feel like it’s something I need to jump in on, other times, not so much. It is kind of… well, for lack of a better word, amusing (or sad), to see some folks that say they don’t like drama or wish life were quieter, when they just go and stir things up in their lives to *create* the drama. Ah well, to each their own. I’m happy on the quiet sidelines here with my yummy canned peaches and good friends.

  10. says

    Yes, I’m right there with you! And I wish I could say that I DID ignore a provocative argument yesterday, but unfortunately, I engaged. Thanks for convicting me. :) I always appreciate that.

  11. says

    GOOD STUFF! So true! It’s OK to know someone is wrong and not engage in pointing it out! Sometimes it is just not worth it! It’s the whole, “Is this the hill I really want to die on?” thing. Most of the time, it’s not.

    Thanks for the great reminder!

    • Crystal says

      Daja, I LOVE this comment! You are so right in how you put it, and one of the HARDEST things for me to do is “know someone is wrong and not engage in pointing it out.” or sometimes even “think” someone is wrong and not engage in pointing it out…lol. It’s definitely a struggle, but one that’s worth fighting for the sake of peace in our lives and homes and being in God’s will. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment!

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