I am a Bully

Confessions of a bully | Serving Joyfully

I have a confession to make. I am a bully.

You see, sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I say things that only a bully would say.

You’re never going to be successful at anything, so you might as well quit trying.

You’re too fat.

No one likes you.

You’re not a good wife. You’re not a good mother. Your family deserves better than you.

You have nothing to offer anyone.

You are worthless.

I know that depression plays a part in my bullying. But I also know it’s more than that. Because I know that many of you suffer from the same problem. I have talked to many women over the years and I have found some of the most beautiful, capable, talented, amazing women who battle negative self-talk everyday.  Maybe you’re one of the. Maybe you believe the lies that Satan tells you.

You judge yourself too harshly, and you speak negative words and harsh criticisms to yourself, saying things that you would never say to anyone else.

So why, precious friend, do you say those things to yourself?

This post is not about glorifying the mess. It’s not about brushing our faults under the rug and pretending they don’t exist. It’s about treating ourselves with dignity, respect, and just a little grace and kindness.

It’s about building up instead of tearing down. Yes, I need to lose a few pounds (okay, I need to lose a lot of pounds to get back down to a healthy weight range). But tearing myself down doesn’t accomplish that. 

This post is also not about being proud, or having a haughty opinion of yourself. Because I don’t believe that insecurity is the same as humility. In fact, I think insecurity looks a lot more like pride when you get down to the nitty gritty.

It’s not even about having so much grace that you accept your sins and faults without trying to change them. There are things you need to work on to get closer to the person God has created you to be. I can say that with assurance because none of us are perfect. We are all works in progress.

Basically, I just want us all to remember who we are, and be a little kinder to ourselves.

Will you join me? Maybe some of you don’t struggle with this. But for some of you, I know it will be hard to break those habits. But you have to.

When those negative, harmful thoughts cross your mind, respond with scripture. You can find a great list here. Respond with truth. Remember things you are good at, because struggling with some things doesn’t make you a total failure. Respond with action steps that you can take to start fixing said problem.

Again, I don’t want you to celebrate your faults and sins. That’s not what this is about. I just want you to give yourself the grace, kindness, and gentle push in the right direction that you’d give anyone else.

Whatever you do, stop beating yourself up. Stop tearing yourself down. Stop being a bully.

Because those harmful, negative thoughts will impact your life, your relationships, and your children.

You are loved and valued by an almighty God. 

bundle PL mom fail long

PS–If you battle with these types of negative thoughts, check out this free video series with 10 great truths you need to remember on the bad days.


  1. LuAnn Braley says

    I hear you on the depression, Crystal. I tell people that's how I know there is a God and that He loves me, because if it weren't for Him … I probably wouldn't be here. Love the list too. Good stuff to remember!

    • Crystal Brothers says

      LuAnn, I’m so sorry that you suffer from depression as well. It is my prayer for myself that God would be glorified in the midst of my pain and I will pray the same thing for you! I agree–if it weren’t for His love and the hope He offers, I don’t know where I’d be.

  2. says

    One way to help battle a negative mind is to actually speak out the positive. Your mind can’t think negative thoughts at the same time your mouth speaks out the positive. Speak out the scriptures and promises God has given us. When we speak it, we hear it. When we hear it enough, we believe it.

    A little something I learned from Joyce Meyers book titled Battlefield of the Mind. It’s a good read for those who struggle with negative thoughts (which is probably everyone of us at times).

    Thanks for sharing your struggle. Standing with you in prayer…

    • Crystal Brothers says

      Yes, Vanessa, I completely agree with you about speaking TRUTH and positive over the negative! Thanks for sharing your tips :) I have that book on my to-be-read list. I need to get on it!

  3. Tracey Douglas Masters says

    This post definitely hit home. Your title caught my attention. I wasn't expecting it to be about this subject, but I greatly appreciate it. I am a mean bully … to myself. I will join you and try to speak more positively about myself. This will not be an easy thing to do as I have been extremely insecure for YEARS. I struggle with depression as well. Thank you for providing the list as a PDF printable. There are some wonderful scripture references to read. I am going to post it out in the open as a reminder to myself. I love your blog!

  4. Anonymous says

    I am too!!!!!! I am hurting myself greatly and need to find the power to stop. Crystal, I was drawn to your posts on depression, because I am suffering greatly from it. Right now I am feeling like a failure and blaming everything on myself. Need lots of prayers. I need to turn this around.

    • Crystal Brothers says

      I completely understand. I am there as well and it’s a horrible pit to fall into. Praying that the Lord will guide you out of it! His word is powerful in the face of such things.

    • Crystal Brothers says

      Haha…”hot mess” is the most fitting way I have for describing myself! I am so sorry that you suffer and struggle with these things. I will pray the same prayer for you that I pray for myself–I pray that your pain wouldn’t be wasted and that God will be glorified through it. But, I also pray for deliverance one day and I pray that for you as well.

  5. says

    I found this article by accident…I was actually reading over your homeschooling posts. I am a homeschool mom. And a bully. Thanks for posting! I have struggled with depression for years but have always equated it with homeschooling for some reason? I just assumed I didn’t get out enough or who knows…Glad I stumbled across this post…It struck a chord deep in my heart. Praying for your continued daily victories against the bully from within…and I’d be much obliged if you would pray for me as well :) Thanks again!

  6. Gabby says

    I think the key really is focusing on who you are in Christ. The things we say about ourselves are things we would never say to a friend or allow to be said to our children.

Thank you for joining in the discussion!