23 Jun How Can I Know that I am Saved? {My Testimony of Salvation}

How can I know that I am saved?

I know this is a question a lot of people have, so I wanted to take some time to share my testimony. I’ve been wanting to share this for a long time, but didn’t really have the words or feel like it was the right time…but this morning the Lord has put this on my heart with some urgency.

In many ways, I had a rough childhood, and I did not grow up in a Christian home. Some families go to church only at Easter and Christmas. We went to church, never.

However, my grandparents went to church and they would take me with them sometimes.

My papaw was a fire and brimstone guy. He was fascinated with the end times and was always going on about the various types of trials the Lord could use to punish this world, for those who weren’t, “good enough.” I’m not sure if he emphasized works or if that’s just what my young mind latched onto, but I remember being heartbroken as a girl of 10 or 12 because even then I knew that I had a wicked heart. I was not “good.” And I knew that I could never be good enough to escape God’s judgment.

I know now that God’s word tells us that no one is good. (Romans 3:23; Romans 3:10; Psalm 14:3; Psalm 53:3, etc.)

I had heard the gospel, and some time after this, the Lord saved me. I wasn’t good enough. I could never be good enough. But I didn’t have to be. Because He had made a way through His grace. Jesus had died in my place and paid the debt for my sins. I trusted in Him and turned my back on the things this world has to offer. I died to my old self and God saved my soul.

My Doubts

I’ve heard many people testify that once they were saved, there was never a moment of doubt but I can’t say that.

I’ve talked a bit here about my struggle with depression. I’m a very insecure person, and there are some things in my childhood and life that contribute to that. There have been times in my darkest moments over the past 20 years when I have doubted even my salvation. I have focused on the fact that I am not worthy, and cried out to the Lord anew, begging him to have mercy on me and save my soul.

I’ve heard people say that if you have doubts, you must not really be saved, because if you were truly saved you would never have doubts. Because of this, I had even gone so far as to fear that maybe I’m not one of God’s elect and that there is nothing I could do to be saved, even though I desire Him.

Having been in church my entire adult life, I’ve heard the gospel and all the steps to take toward salvation. I had done everything I could to fulfill those steps and if God hadn’t saved me already, maybe it was hopeless.

But that’s just not the way it works. The Bible tells us that no one seeks God. It is not in my nature to seek God–He had to put that desire there.

The past few weeks, I have been diligently seeking the Lord and my own heart in this matter. God has ministered directly to my spirit, and also provided several different levels of confirmation for me–preaching, teaching, and some writings from my favorite devotional, among other things.

It all came down to a simple thing: trust Him.

Trust the Lord to fulfill His promises

There are some things in my past that make it difficult for me to trust. My preacher spoke last Sunday about fatherhood, inspired by the beginning of the Lord’s prayer, “our father who art in Heaven.”

People will let us down. Our earthly fathers will let us down. Seeing how my dad’s life has changed from the person he used to be is amazing to me. But it wasn’t always that way. He was an alcoholic, and he was abusive both physically and verbally. I remember one time I did something that was pretty much a normal childhood infraction, and he looked at me and said “You’re not my daughter.” I carried that with me.

My dad has changed so much that people who know him now could never believe or imagine the way he used to be at times. I love my dad dearly, and even in the bad times, he taught me so much about life and integrity. But that doesn’t mean that things from our past don’t have consequences and lasting effects.

As I was seeking God diligently, He brought all this to my mind. I was subconsciously comparing Him to the people in my life who hadn’t accepted me.

Through the things I mentioned above (prayer, teaching, preaching, devotional readings) the message the Lord gave me was loud and clear: when I doubted my salvation, I wasn’t doubting myself, I was doubting Him. I already knew that salvation wasn’t about me. I could never earn it or be worthy of it. My salvation is based on Him alone. God’s grace and Christ’s sacrifice.

If I was doubting anything it was that the Lord would fulfill His promise and His word.

And I had to repent of that. God is good. His mercies are new every morning. He is faithful and never changing. He won’t turn His back on His people.

It’s not about feelings.

One of the things that always plants a seed of doubt for me is listening to the experiences of other people. People who had this experience or felt that way and I didn’t.

But one thing that is very clear to me about the Christian walk is this–it’s not about feelings and emotions. First of all, we are all different people with different lives, and different purposes in the Lord. Our experiences won’t look the same.

Furthermore, our circumstances will lie to us. Satan will whisper in our ear. Sometimes our broken hearts may doubt. And sometimes the right thing doesn’t feel that great.

Jeremiah 17:9 tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” We can’t follow our heart or trust our emotions.

We can’t be driven by feelings. We need to be driven by God’s word. God’s truth. I can trust in that no matter what else my circumstances seem to say.

Praise the Lord!

It’s about Evidence

Throughout my seeking, the Lord has brought to mind over and over the things that He has done for me throughout the years. The times He has spoken directly to me. The times He has provided for me and answered prayers.

He showed me over and over the things in my life that testify to my being His child. Don’t forget those things! I thought of the Israelite children and how quickly they allowed their circumstances to lead them to doubt God’s character. Don’t forget the things He has done.

It’s not about perfection

Another thing that lead me to doubt is the truth that in Christ we are made a new creation. Can I just be honest for a minute? Sometimes I don’t feel like a new creation. I let God down. I let my family down. I can see the wickedness of my heart and it saddens me. It grieves me. And at times, yes, it has caused me to doubt.

When praying over this, the Lord spoke into my spirit–a new creation does not mean that we are perfect. I will never be perfect. Even in the Christian’s life, there is a battle between the spirit and the flesh (Romans 7:18; Galatians 5:17), and we must fight it.

Becoming new in Christ means that we are awakened to spiritual things. We are no longer dead. We are alive. But we still have to fight against our flesh. We are commanded to walk in the spirit. Yes, there is an immediate change, but it is also an active and ongoing thing. We must be filled anew with his spirit over and over.

I may not ever be perfect, but I can go against my sin-nature.

Why am I sharing this?

This is all very personal and vulnerable, so why am I sharing?

I’m sharing because the Lord put it on my heart to share and I want to encourage someone who might be struggling with doubts occasionally, or who may need to realize that they have never accepted the Lord Jesus as their personal savior.

This is not meant to be a teaching, but simply my own testimony. If you would like more information, here are a couple of resources.

Also, I would like to add a caution. If you’re having doubts, there is only ONE who can answer if it’s planted there by the enemy, or if it’s conviction from the Lord that you haven’t truly been saved. And no amount of articles can truly give you the peace you seek–only seeking the Lord directly can do that.

If you, too, have struggled with doubt about your salvation, here is a good article from John Piper, “Am I Saved?”

If you still have doubts, or know that you are not saved, you can go here for a clear presentation of the Gospel of Christ.

Was this article helpful?

0 0